It's not like I'm a slut
or that I really like to fuck,
I just want every boy I see,
to walk away with part of me,

Until there's nothing left to hold,
until there's nothing left to hate,
I know that I need help,
but even you can't save me from myself.

It's not like I am weak or that I don't know how to leave,
it's just that every time you cheat,
you bring me closer to defeat,
until there's nothing left to love,
until there's nothing left to say,
I know that you need help,
but even I can't save you from yourself.

--Her Space Holiday, Japanese Gum



The more and more I relate my actions to this song, the more and more it starts to make sense. I don't know whether or not I'm purposely putting myself through this kind of self-degradation, or whether or not it's just an inevitable consequence of the risk. For some reason, however, I have a strange feeling it's the former.


And for the record:

Never have I ever been in love.


Dubby

So, I’m at the Honolulu Airport right now waiting for my plane to arrive so I can go to Chicago. Blah, I hate waiting--they really need to invent a faster way of travel, seriously. Anyways, I totally forgot to write in here before I left the house, because all these lame airports don’t have free wifi, ugh. But yeah, my time spent at home was a lot better than expected! I spent a lot of time sleeping, yes, but when I felt like it, I spent quite of bit of my time going out and seeing some people.
I probably didn’t spend as much time seeing people like others would when they come home from college, but it’s okay with me.

“Graduated, as in DONE with that”

--Natalie Walters

Haha, I don’t really care about most of my classmates, well I do, but I don’t really feel like I need to make an effort to see EVERYONE, jesus christ. That quote I just wrote is from my awesome friend Natalie, I guess I’ve begun to understand her logic behind that statement. Fuck it! High school was a bunch of BS.
Don’t get me wrong, if it weren’t for that I don’t feel like I would’ve grown and developed into the person I am today. I also owe some very memorable moments to my years in high school. Despite that, I still don’t really care about my high school reunion, they can all suck my cock. LOL
Welllllll...hmmm, what else is there to say? OH, yesterday I went down to Hilo’s local farmer’s market and bought this sick bracelet from this elderly chinese woman. She sounded like she could barely speak english, so, on a far-fetched guess I asked her 你說中文？ And she was like HOLY SHIT BALLS 對! Hahahaha, she was very impressed! I can’t wait until I reach fluency, tagalog might take a while, though--but at least it’s a foreign language that people in my family speak.
Hmmm, as far as college goes, I’m going to try IR and/or Public Health, and just see how those feel. Being undecided sucks, it really, really does.


Well that’s all for now!

OH, and I’m saving up to possibly buy a DSLR, hahahaha, I have the money for it now, buuuuuut idk, money’s REALLY tight right now, so I can’t just blow $500 bucks on one thing @_@


Dub dub out

So, I have about 10 days left here at home before I go back to Brown. Today was pretty awesome, Nat, her friend Collin, and I went to Volcano National Park to go hiking along the crater trail, it was a great workout, especially walking uphill! XD



I took a lot of pictures of the scenery, and it makes me feel like sometimes, okay, well, most times, I take this place for granted. There's so much natural beauty here, so much that's untouched by civilization. And yes, there is SO MUCH less to do here than in a city on the mainland, but I think something that only places like Hawaii can provide, is appreciation.

Appreciation for time, for nature, scenery. Everything goes by so slowly here--everyone's on "Hawaii time". I guess you can say it's a nice break from college, haha. Despite this, I'm still looking forward to going back to school and seeing everyone! I miss them. I also miss Tae Kwon Do, you have no idea. :(

It's still really hard for me to believe that my first year in college is almost done. I have to get a ton finished during these next 10 days: figure out my course schedule for next semester, do those journal entries in chinese, art project, send in my application for the Princeton in Beijing summer program, get started on doing the application for Duke in China, blahblah.

OH, and on a random note, I learned how to say cuddle in chinese!!!

我們現在可以偎！

translation: We can cuddle now! or Now we can cuddle!

hahahhaha.


Dub Dub out