Back in this quiet, lazy, peaceful town I find myself having time to really think about things. Most of the time I just want to spend my days sleeping in, watching some tv, cooking, reading up on storylines to games I don't have time to play, and taking pictures. Lately, I've been really looking into Kingdom Hearts, and I have fallen back in love with the story all over again.

I kind of have a thing for complicated tales of interconnectedness (intangible bonds between people and their destinies, etc.), especially ones whose complexity runs on par with other stories like Final Fantasy X and Lunar/Lunar 2.

When finishing Kingdom Hearts 2 (well, for starters I don't have the game, and I also said earlier that I don't have time for games anymore--so I watch video game "movies" on youtube--videos of only storyline relevant cut scenes and clips of video games. It's pathetic, I know, but whatever.) I felt like a kid again: being in awe and wonder about the story, their worlds, their adventures, their pain. I started reading up on the entire storyline throughout the KH franchise, and much to my pleasant amusement, have discovered even more things for my mind to chew on.

The plot is complex, the characters are all connected, and even a hint of ethical/moral issues touch upon the definition of what it means to be alive, and what purpose substantiates it.

After finishing reading all of the storylines and mentally piecing them together in order, I started to feel unsatisfied. Looking at how life is now, and how it will continue to become as I get older, I started to miss how easy it was to be fascinated--to be struck with wonder and a genuine sense of adventure.

I remember how going to a friend's house, stealing some fireworks, and destroying ant hills together was enough to make me feel like I was on an adventure of a lifetime.

I feel torn between how I know the future will most likely be, and what I hope for it to be. Is this why I don't think I want to become a doctor?--Because it'll make me feel tied down? But the routine sense of home life and parenting appeals to me as well. And that kind of tender, intimate routine in life is something I want.

But I also want something more.

Something to make me feel as though I have a greater purpose. Something with more excitement. Something with more risks.

This is the inner Geek in me wishing that there was no college after high school and that life was like Pokemon: You venture out on your own, catch Pokemon, discover new ones, train them, battle some more, and make friends and earn fame.

At times this life--this world, can seem so dull. Don't get me wrong, I'm content with the way things are, and I'm pleasantly happy with my life. I guess it just means you have to look at things from a different perspective. This reality may not have evil villains to defeat or magic spells to cast, but there is love, risk, adventure-- it's just a different kind. Not to mention a lot safer, haha.

I guess when it really comes down to it, I'm scared that I'll wake up one day and absolutely hate where I am in life. That I'll get bored of things--friends, lovers, hobbies and never feel satisfied with myself or anything.

I want to get so much out of this life before it's over--but I'm not sure what, and I'm not sure how.

It's always nice to dream, I guess.


Cheers,

Dubby