A riddle, a guess--from head to toe I've searched these places.

These places that you've led me to.

I've been playing this game for so long I don't even know how it started.

Maybe it's just something that everyone has to do. Some people keep playing.

Some people give up--and for good reason.


But with every clue I find, with every riddle I read with your tear-smeared hand writing

...telling me where to find you...

I get tired.


Because every time I think I've figured out where you are, all I find is another tear-smeared post-it giving me another riddle as to where you might be.

Why won't you just stay in one place?
Why won't you let me find you?
Why won't you let me love you, love?


I've been ready and willing for as long as I can remember, but it seems like every person I meet--no matter how nice or amazing the general public claims I am--there still hasn't been a single person who sees me with the same possibility that I do



with them.

I should have noticed it--but it was happening too quickly, all at once.

But through these four years, through these four years of hoping. Of wanting. Of wishing. Of changing. Of hating myself. Of disappointment. Of trying. Of hoping.

Of hoping.

Truth is, is that I don't know how to explain it myself. It doesn't hurt as much as it used to, all I feel is nothing. I'm empty.

I will tell you I am fine.

But I've got some news, friend. It feels like I'm dying.





I don't think I believe in love anymore.

I love you, Brown.

And the day I leave you, is the day I will be able to fully grasp that this was the best decision I have ever made in my life.

Sometimes it feels like I want this to last forever, but despite this I know that it's not what I want. That this is just one of many stepping stones towards the life I will live--whatever that may be.

But at least I know


that this, compared to many things that have passed,


was something I did right.