Anyways, I've been thinking about changing my mind about which program to choose to go to Beijing.  You see, I got into both Princeton in Beijing and Duke in China.  Duke in China costs about 500-600 more bucks than PiB, and Duke doesn't give me financial aid, so poo.  The only thing I don't like is that Duke allows their students to have so much more interaction with the culture--to actually go out into Beijing and talk to the people, etc.  PiB, you just fly to Beijing to stay stuck in a building for 8 weeks (despite that their website says that there are 2-3 excursions, it's still no where near compared to what Duke has to offer).  But since PiB is cheaper and giving me financial aid, I think it's a reasonable choice to make.  

My Chinese will definitely improve (I'm only allowed to speak Chinese for the whole duration of the program, if not, they punish you...rape? xD), and I guess I can study abroad for a semester in China or Taiwan later on.  

However, studying for a semester abroad will get in the way of becoming a black belt in TKD in my senior year.  So...I kind of have to still figure that out, eh.  I also feel like I don't want to miss anything here, you know?  Brown is amazing.  

ON ANOTHER NOTE!

I think i've kinda/sorta decided what I'm going to concentrate in!!!!   Jesus Christ, it feels 

to actually feel like you have a sense of direction in your life, you know?  Anyways, I've been thinking about a dual-major in Psychology and Sociology, with a minor in Gender and Sexuality Studies.  I am absolutely loving my Sociology class--my professor is so awesome!  Every time I leave from his class, I feel like I understand myself and others better.  And it feels good--just knowing.  I've also been getting in touch with Ms. Megan, a sex-health educator, and I've been asking her about shadowing/internship opportunities in Providence!  

So, in other words, I ultimately aim to become a Sex Therapist.  

http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/guide/sex-therapists

You can copy and paste that link into your browser to understand what they do, however I think it's a little vague.  But yeah, my degrees in Psych and Soc. will be able to give me something to fall back on and allow me to practice normal therapy, because sex therapy isn't really a common thing.  The only thing I have to think about now is how Chinese would fit into all of this?  xD  I could go to Taiwan, buuuuuut, idk.  Either that, or I could just practice in LA or something, hahahhhahahaa.  

Anyways, life is going pretty good.  Tae Kwon Do nationals are coming up in a little less than a month, and I'm so nervous!  I never really thought of myself as a fighter, but fighting feels so good!  I have a blast at sparring!  Haha.  Not only that, but Brown TKD is such an encouraging environment--I don't think I ever would've gotten into martial arts if it weren't for Brown.  

As far as relationships go, I'm kind of just letting things go their course.  I still feel really lonely now and then, but overall I don't think I let it get to me.  My friends give me a lot of love, I know, but it'd be nice to feel a different kind of love, a different kind of affection, you know?  But it's okay, I'll just let things fall into place.

晚安!

Dubby

I'm sorry for having to lie about how I feel, 

I don't know when it was that I decided to just cut the crap and paste on a smile all the time.  But little by little, it started to feel right.  Little by little, I got used to having a smile on my face, a spring in my step, a laugh in every conversation--it felt good.  

Now,

now it feels wrong.

I'll get through this, this will pass.  I'm just having a rough patch right now, that's all.  

I'll make it.

And the things that bring me down so easily will no longer make me lose my balance.

Dubby.

wait, let me say that in chinese...

我現在高興極了！！！ 

I have three weeks to respond, so I have three weeks to get an okay from my mom, blah.  I told her that I won't go unless I get enough scholarship money to pay for it, but she offered to make another loan--ugh, idk.  But now that I got accepted into this summer program, I feel like something like this doesn't come by very often, you know?  So whatever, I'm going for it.  Besides, I can get scholarship money to pay off the loan later.  I'm not trying to sound cocky, but I think that with my academic position, it'll be no problem.

Beijing, China,  HERE.

I.

FUCKING.

COMMEEEEEEEE.

我快高潮了， 我快高潮了！！！

tee-hee.

Dubby。

ps.  talk about best birthday present, ever!

Stop this now.

End it.