Or maybe I'm not.
I'm not sure exactly how to put how I feel into words, because, I don't know, I guess I'm starting to care less and less about my reactions to things. Which is good and bad, I suppose. Lately I've been finding that I've been living with the mindset of
the moment
and it feels so damn good not to care about what the future would bring, how the past is something that can never be re-done--just living life day to day, smile to smile, awkward laugh to awkward laugh. I feel like I've improved a lot ever since I've started life here, and I don't ever want it to end.
Sometimes, however, everything just hits like a ton of bricks to my face. And yet. It makes me feel as though I'm running away from something.
what are you running away from, David?
I don't know.
Liar,
you're just too embarrassed to bring it up
I guess it's something that I still have yet to resolve within myself, to confront, and to come to terms with. To come to terms with instead of having it leak out through the lyrics of the songs I make, and the chords I play with my guitar.
Maybe I'm being impatient. Maybe I'm being inconsiderate.
I don't know.
But I do know, however, that if I don't suck it up and get over this, it's just going to get worse and worse.
It's so tiring, it really is, but I can't help it--and I really wish I could,
but, feeling lonely sucks
so
damn
much.
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Maybe I'm Dreaming
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Surfacing
Wow.
It's almost April--that means that there's a little less than two months of school left.
Why did this year go by so fast? So quickly?
You loser, it's more like how come you couldn't get more things done.
Anyways, I'm pretty excited about living somewhere else next year, and meeting even more people! I'm especially excited for the new entering freshman that'll be in Tae Kwon Do--I want our club to keep getting bigger and bigger.
Speaking of Tae Kwon Do, we just had Collegiate Nationals last weekend, yay! It was AWESOME, and I'm so glad that I woke up at 6:30 all of those days to get up for morning practice. I got a silver medal in poomsae, but I did poopie in sparring--LOL. I think i've concluded that I DO NOT want to be in the heavy weight division anymore, those guys are HUGE, and if they're not huge, they're TALLLLL. And I'm just little chubby short me, so yeah, oh, and i'll also hopefully be a lot faster.
Overall, it was an amazing experience, and I can't wait to compete again next year!
I have to get so much shit done this spring break, it's disgusting. I have to read about 5 books, and get started on two papers, ugh FML.
Betty's boyfriend, Johnny, flew up from UC Irvine to hang out with her during break, so he's been joining us during our dinners and what not. I love cooking with friends, it feels great--like we're a family, you know? We all contribute a part of ourselves when we make something in the kitchen, and when we share it with others, it just brings everyone a lot closer.
Tomorrow morning we're going to take the commuter rail to Boston, and then from there we're going to take the Feng Wah bus to go to New York. From there it'll drop us off at China Town, where we'll eat lunch and hopefully HOPEFULLY buy more phone charms :3 ! I'm super stoked! This is the first (well, Boston's China town was the first, but it was kind of pooey) real China town that I'm going to, so I hope I won't be let down.
We'll be staying two nights at Amed's house, and we also plan on going to central park, times square, the sex museum, and maybe ellis island!
Other than that, I'm starting to hate my IR class. Wait, no, let me correct that, I'm starting to hate my IR TA--she sucks balls. Well, maybe hate is too strong a word, more like dislike, yeah.
Also, I'm still having no luck finding a new digital camera, and it really, really sucks. I feel like so many moments that should've been captured on camera have been slipping through my fingers. Eh, at least I have my little mino.
Money is super tight right now, I need to save up for China this summer, to be able to pay for food for 8 weeks. Haha, did you know that China has no drinking age? ; )
So, here is a list of things that I need money for:
Food for Beijing, China (300-450)
Digital Camera (140 -450, if I get a DSLR)
Right now I have enough for food, and I don't want to touch that, so all I really have to save up for is the new camera.
On another note, 小橙愛and胖奭螈 have been doing pretty good. Sometimes I forget to feed them, though, but they survive. I have a few friends who live in Rhode Island, so I'm going to ask them if they can take care of them during the summer.
Expect another blog full of wonderful pictures of New York!
Dub Dub
